Peluquero Redux

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Re: Peluquero Redux

Postby Moderator » Sat Nov 03, 2012 2:39 pm

FrankChurch wrote:Tango misses Frankie the cat.


Yep. His little buddy morphed into an annoying shelty. Lord knows what Tango thinks of that!
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Re: Peluquero Redux

Postby Moderator » Fri Nov 16, 2012 6:03 pm

Update. Day 92.

Despite the best laid plans, the center room is still occupied. Once again the seller of the condo to our friend snatches defeat from the jaws of victory. Two weeks ago we were told all that stood in our way is a signed document to the IRS. A week ago, the IRS was demanding a new appraisal of the property which was appraised just two months ago. Yesterday, all docs submitted, the IRS demanded a revised letter from the bank confirming that the sale is approved (already done twice, but the IRS wants it yet again.) Most of my unhappiness comes from the suspicion that our friend is being dicked with. She and her real estate agent tend to agree. They have more patience than I.

Today all docs filed. The IRS informs the escrow agent that they have up to 20 days to respond.

I am refraining from making knee-jerk statements that might attract the undue attention of the DHS.

However, we now know we will have an extra guest for Thanksgiving.
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Re: Peluquero Redux

Postby Moderator » Wed Nov 21, 2012 1:00 pm

Day 97. Three months, five days.

Our friend and her broker have asked for the seller to give her an agreement for early occupancy, which would allow her to move in prior to escrow closing. They were told, in a somewhat embarrassed tone, that the existing renter -- who was told to vacate three months ago -- is still in residence. They have an eviction notice, but have yet to actually get the renter out.

Ah, me.
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Re: Peluquero Redux

Postby Lori Koonce » Wed Nov 21, 2012 3:07 pm

Barber wrote:Day 97. Three months, five days.

Our friend and her broker have asked for the seller to give her an agreement for early occupancy, which would allow her to move in prior to escrow closing. They were told, in a somewhat embarrassed tone, that the existing renter -- who was told to vacate three months ago -- is still in residence. They have an eviction notice, but have yet to actually get the renter out.

Ah, me.


For a rather small sum of money, here in SF it's about 45 dollars, your friend or the person she'll be renting from can have the Sherrif's department go over there and remove the renter with the notice.

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Re: Peluquero Redux

Postby Moderator » Wed Nov 21, 2012 5:39 pm

Heh. Thanks Lori. But new information came to light today. Seems our roomie threatened to walk away and her agent was told (by theirs) that "that's okay, we have a backup all cash offer".

So, in my opinion, it's probably for more than our roomie's offer, so they're trying to wait her out and get more money. So our roomie is sitting pat for the moment.

But the update also indicates the SOONEST she could be moving is Dec 1st...
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Re: Peluquero Redux

Postby Lori Koonce » Wed Nov 21, 2012 6:38 pm

Just tryin to be a good friend Barber.

If you and Cris are all right with things the way they are, then I'll just send ya some more positives that you'll make it till then...

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Re: Peluquero Redux

Postby Moderator » Wed Nov 21, 2012 8:17 pm

Lori Koonce wrote:Just tryin to be a good friend Barber.

If you and Cris are all right with things the way they are, then I'll just send ya some more positives that you'll make it till then...


And I take and appreciate it that way, believe me.

I cannot say we're all right with it. The phrase "no good deed goes unpunished" is wearing thin.

Perhaps: "We're making the best of it". Our roommate is a good person, but not terribly adept at the world just yet. (She has lived at home her entire life, and she's 45. Ours is the first place she's lived other than home.)

I've always liked to think of our home as an ultimate sanctuary when family and close friends are truly in need, but it's now backfired a few times in situations in which a month has led to two, and so on. And yet if we mention the difficulties we endure, we're the baddies. Just today I mentioned that our bills -- electric, gas, water -- have increased by 50%. (Two people versus three.)

Nothing. Not a nod nor blink.

So Dec 1 we change the rules. Date certain, as they say.
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Re: Peluquero Redux

Postby Moderator » Fri Nov 30, 2012 7:20 pm

No good fucking deed goes unpunished.

Day 106.

Three and one half months.

9,158,400 seconds
152,640 minutes
2544 hours
15 weeks

I find myself being actively angry and really need to vent before exploding in her direction -- I'm paying all the bills while she slept in to 11am today. Within ten minutes of getting up the tv set was on. She left for two hours -- to walk the dogs at her sole apparent client's house -- and returned. Within five minutes the tv was on. In those five minutes she did do a handful of dishes that had been in the sink. She is just completely oblivious to the world around her, and the impact she has had on our lives. At 45 she has all the responsibility instincts of a ten year old.

Meanwhile I was up at 5:15, and logged onto the computer for work at 7:30. With the sole exception of a thirty-minute break for lunch I've been working throughout the day on various projects.

Why do I feel like a fucking parent???? Three and a half months of paying her electricity, rent, water and cable bills has got me on edge. She has a flat screen tv and cable in the room she's in, yet she always comes out into the family room -- within earshot of my office -- and sits for hours watching the tube. (Right now it's Say Yes to the Dress, or something like that...)

Today she got word that the tenant in the condo she is buying is supposed to be moved out. Then they clean. God, PLEASE let Sunday be move-in day.

She's a really, really nice person, but I'm just done. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(Yes, juvenile, but thank you for letting me vent. Now, go back about your business. Nothing more to see here, unless I need help hiding a body in the next 72 hours.)
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Re: Peluquero Redux

Postby Lori Koonce » Sat Dec 01, 2012 2:10 pm

Barber

After this long, IMO at least, you've got every right to feel the way you do.

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Re: Peluquero Redux

Postby Chuck Messer » Sat Dec 01, 2012 7:24 pm

What Lori said. Alas, the person you're dealing with has never learned certain basic life skills. A friend of mine who works for social services here, deals with this kind of person every day. You have every right to be exasperated with her. We're behind you if you finally have to put your foot down. I know you'd hate doing it, but sometimes getting through life is cold bastard work. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

Chuck
Some people are wedded to their ideology the way nuns are wed to God.

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Re: Peluquero Redux

Postby Lori Koonce » Sat Dec 01, 2012 8:13 pm

Chuck

It doesn't have to be harsh. All he has to do is let her know that the free ride is over, and if she wants to live rent free, she needs to find another place to do so.

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Re: Peluquero Redux

Postby Moderator » Sat Dec 01, 2012 8:53 pm

Thanks guys. It may be a moot point. She told me earlier today that the current owner is (supposed to be) collecting the keys from the tenant today. We'll see. I figured out that between the free rent, run of our house, the utilities and Internet, and cable, we've sponsored her for roughly $3500 for the last three and a half months. And yet, I'll be the bad guy when I ask for money...

Keep you fingers crossed.
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Re: Peluquero Redux

Postby Moderator » Mon Dec 03, 2012 12:01 am

In a discovery that shocks, well, no one, the tenant has declared she is not moving "until escrow closes".

She also apparently told our roomie's agent that she is an owner, as I surmised two months ago when the tax lien issue reared up. So, essentially the sellers are complete liars -- also as I openly suggested to our roomie at the same time I said there was something suspicious about the whole IRS thing. I was assured the sellers were acting in good faith against an unreasonable tenant.

I would use the words I used today to describe these revelations, but would have to ban myself for a few days.

Our guest has agreed to pay something towards the utility bills, but the amount is so far indeterminate.

Last night, when this last discovery was communicated to Cris (after I had gone to bed -- in hindsight a good thing since it allowed me to be told today when I could not react directly with our guest...that might have gotten very ugly, very quickly), our friend broke down and angrily complained that she was being screwed over by the world and wanted to know when karma would come to her aid. My lovely lady -- who recounted the conversation to me after i was well out of striking distance with our friend -- fixed her with a stare and explained that WE are the karmic answer to her problems, and hoped WE would someday get a karmic repayment.

Our houseguest immediately dropped that line of thinking.

Day 108 and counting.
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Re: Peluquero Redux

Postby Moderator » Thu Dec 06, 2012 10:39 am

112 days
9,676,800 seconds
161,280 minutes
2688 hours
16 weeks
3 2/3 months

Our roommate gave me $100 yesterday towards expenses, which I appreciated. (Gas, electricity, water, toilet paper, etc.)

Apologies if this seems self-indulgent, but this is where I can come to rant without fear she will see it online. She is a very nice person, though woefully unprepared for life. Her parents made what I consider to be a critical mistake, and that is allowing her to live at home and not take responsibility for her life. As such she does not have a job, and doesn't see the freight train which is bearing down upon her -- her back is to the train as she examines a little flower on the tracks.

We have tried, via things like asking for expense monies, to drive home the point that she will be paying these on her own shortly with no appearance of an income.

In an odd echo, Cris' brother may be approaching a separation from his wife of a year and a half over almost precisely the same issue. She treats her oldest child as if they are still a small kid. Her 25 year old is a full on mess, though the 22 year old is trying to sort her life out. (Ignoring the sex change issue -- yes, you read that right -- the 25 year old has a four hour a day job at Fedex, contributes nothing to the household budget and spends most of her time watching tv or playing video games. Does no chores around the house, including letting her mother do her own laundry. She has no interest in a career or full time job. When my brother in law asked her what she would do if her mother died, the kid seriously replied "go live with grandma".)

We're positioning our roommate as a cautionary tale with Cris' brother of what damage they could be doing to the daughter by not forcing her to be a responsible adult. Our roommate is, at 45, completely unaware of the way the world works and is constantly frustrated because other people aren't doing things the way she wants. She has no concept of making people responsible for their course of action. She sits, watching tv -- sound familiar? -- waiting for the phone to ring instead of proactively pursuing updates on a daily basis. (That's too often early in the process, but by the third month it's unacceptable to sit idly by and "let things work".) And so far she hasn't really bothered looking for work, despite the fact she will be paying out HOA fees and taxes on her new place if when she moves in.

TMI? Yeah, probably. But it keeps me from the urge to hit her with a bat. Suddenly I can really identify with the classic line from Francis Ford Coppola's MOONSTRUCK: "Snap out of it!"

*sigh*

Cris and I were discussing the Christmas tree yesterday. I have a sinking feeling it's not going to be just the two of us on Christmas morning this year...
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Re: Peluquero Redux

Postby Lori Koonce » Thu Dec 06, 2012 12:48 pm

Barber

The more you tell us about your "house guest", the more she sounds like me before I realized I have mental health issues.

Not to excuse her behavior, but it may the case that she's suffering from a serious and long term bout of depression. My dad finally had to kick me out of his home at 29 because I was causing him and his wife more problems than I was solving. I stayed homeless for almost a decade because I couldn't get it together enough to help myself.

If it weren't for the City and County of San Francisco, I may still be shelter hopping. But once I got a stable place, and people who were trained to help me help myself I did much better. They put me in housing once a program they called Care Not Cash once it got out of the courts. It was after a few years of being indoors, around almost normal people that I finally realized I needed help and was strong enough to reach out for it.

You have to do what's right for you and Cris, but please take the time to let this woman know that you are concerned about her metal health as well as her physical well being no matter what you decide to do.


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