Kids' jingles

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David Loftus
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Kids' jingles

Postby David Loftus » Thu Nov 20, 2008 12:03 pm

And now for something completely different. Recently, a couple of rhyme/song/chants returned to me from childhood memory. These are jingles that set "original" kids' rhymes to familiar tunes, and then get passed from kid to kid, pretty much below the general cultural radar. The only place you're apt to see one turn up is in the occasional novel. And yet some of them are incredibly ubiquitous -- everybody's heard 'em. I'd love to know how these things start, how they spread, etc.

Here are a couple that come back to me:

(to the tune of "Colonel Bogey March" -- you know the one from "Bridge on the River Kwai"):

"Comet . . . will make your teeth turn green
Comet . . . it tastes like gasoline.
Comet . . . will make you vomit
So buy some Comet ... and vomit . . . today."


(the tune is obvious:)

"Jingle Bells, Batman smells
Robin laid an egg.
Batmobile lost a wheel
Commissioner ______________"

(don't recall how this one ends.


Then there's one whose tune I can sort of recall but the name of the tune is unknown to me. And I have no idea whether I have the lyrics "correct":

"In 1964
My mother went to the war
She opened the door and peed on the floor
And that was the end of the war."



Please contribute your versions, corrections, or others you can recall.
War is, at first, the hope that one will be better off; next, the expectation that the other fellow will be worse off; then, the satisfaction that he isn't any better off; and, finally, the surprise at everyone's being worse off. - Karl Kraus

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John E Williams
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Postby John E Williams » Thu Nov 20, 2008 1:23 pm

Our version was:

"Jingle Bells, Batman smells
Robin laid an egg.
Batmobile lost a wheel
and the Joker got away."

There are two "Commissioner" versions that I know of:

"lost a leg"
"is eatin' hay"

which, as you must agree, are fairly lame.

Here are a few other hits:

"Lincoln, Lincoln, I been thinkin'
What the hell have you been drinkin'
Looks like water, tastes like wine
Oh mah gawd it's turpentine!"

"Milk, milk [touch nipples], lemonade [touch pee-pee]
Turn the corner [touch rear end] and fudge is made"

I can't remember where I put my keys this morning, but crap like this will never leave my memory.

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Re: Kids' jingles

Postby cynic » Thu Nov 20, 2008 2:51 pm

David Loftus wrote: I'd love to know how these things start, how they spread, etc.

some linguists theorize that much language originates from children,and is passed down verbaly through family and community(almost like shakspeare in his day)

"ring around the rosie",you know the rest.may have a creepy origin(discounted by many folk scholars).

David,
forgive me,but my tiny little mind wanders and nostalgia has overcome me.

Grimms fairie tales are indeed...grim.
imagine putting your child to sleep with a tale of child abandonment,vandalism,deceit,foiled cannibalism and living happily ever after on the estate of an incinerated witch. :shock:

indeed,the stuff that dreams are made of.
why allow the world to disillusion your children when you should prepare them yourself?

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Postby David Loftus » Thu Nov 20, 2008 3:07 pm

John E Williams wrote:"Milk, milk [touch nipples], lemonade [touch pee-pee]
Turn the corner [touch rear end] and fudge is made"



I knew other things would come out of the woodwork and remind me of still more.

The above reminds me of a similar one I used to hear as a kid.

"Push the button [belly]
Pull the chain [appropriate gesture below the waist]
Out comes chocolate choo-choo train." [point to derriere]
War is, at first, the hope that one will be better off; next, the expectation that the other fellow will be worse off; then, the satisfaction that he isn't any better off; and, finally, the surprise at everyone's being worse off. - Karl Kraus

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Postby Gwyneth M905 » Fri Nov 21, 2008 1:25 am

To the tune of "Jingle Bells"


Christmas Bills, Christmas Bills
Piled on the floor
Ev'ry day the mailman comes
to bring me some more
O
Christmas Bills, Christmas Bills
How the stores will swear
When they soon discover that my bank account is bare.

Dashing off the checks
All in great amounts
Mailing them today
Knowing they will bounce
Bill collectors come
Notify my boss
Now they get my salary
My life's a total loss
O

Christmas Bills, Christmas Bills
I'll go broke and then...
When next Christmas rolls around...
I'll do it all AGAIN!!!

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Postby Gwyneth M905 » Fri Nov 21, 2008 1:31 am

To the tune of "On Top of Old Smokey"

On top of Old Smokey
All covered with blood
I shot my poor teacher
With a .38 slug

I shot her with pleasure
I shot her with fun
She put on my dunce cap
But din't see my gun

And of course...

On top of Spaghetti
All covered with cheese
I lost my poor meatball
When somebody sneezed

It rolled 'cross the table
and onto the floor
and then my poor meat ball
was seen nevermore.

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Postby Gwyneth M905 » Fri Nov 21, 2008 1:41 am

Then an odd song...
B-I-N-G-O o' go Bingo
B-I-N-G-O o' go Bingo
B-I-N-G-O o' go Bingo, down to Bingo farm

My mother was a Commie, My father was a spy
I'm the little stinker, I told the FBI

B-I-N-G-O o' go Bingo
B-I-N-G-O o' go Bingo
B-I-N-G-O o' go Bingo, down to Bingo farm

Linda had a little cat, she fed it on tin cans
So when the little kittens came, they came in Ford sedans

(Refrain)



And then, the perennial favorite...

My baby fell out of the window,
You think that her head would have split
but luck was with her that morning,
she fell in a big pile of SHHHHHHH
-av-ing Cream,
Be nice and clean,
Shave ev'ry day and you'll always look keen
(oom pa pa, oom pa pa)

One day I shipped out with the army
Decided to open my kit,
I thought I might find there a sandwich,
but the darn'd thing was packed full o' SHHHHHHH
-av-ing Cream,
Be nice and clean,
Shave ev'ry day and you'll always look keen
(oom pa pa, oom pa pa)

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FrankChurch
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Postby FrankChurch » Fri Nov 21, 2008 9:45 am

O-soiled me-o, after a long slog
I drank myself crazy, and fell in the bog
The wolfs were all howling, I vented my bowels
And tooted my jewels, after the ghastly howls.

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David Loftus
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Postby David Loftus » Fri Nov 21, 2008 10:50 am

"Shaving Cream" is sweet, and there are many more verses, but that was a "professional" recording, one of hundreds that airs regularly on Dr. Demento, and I'd rather not let this thread drift in that direction.

I'm interested here in the "folk art" (children's variety) of songs -- to familiar tunes, usually -- that were likely never recorded, that are way under the radar culturally, and yet have been amazingly ubiquitous. The meatball version of "On Top of Old Smoky" is a classic of this genre.
War is, at first, the hope that one will be better off; next, the expectation that the other fellow will be worse off; then, the satisfaction that he isn't any better off; and, finally, the surprise at everyone's being worse off. - Karl Kraus

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Lori Koonce
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Postby Lori Koonce » Fri Nov 21, 2008 1:41 pm

This isn't a children's jingle by any stretch, but it's something I love to listen to as part of my holiday rituial.

http://www.lyricsdownload.com/paul-alle ... yrics.html

God do I miss Dr. Demento!

cynic
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Postby cynic » Fri Nov 21, 2008 2:00 pm

Lori Koonce wrote:This isn't a children's jingle by any stretch, but it's something I love to listen to as part of my holiday rituial.

http://www.lyricsdownload.com/paul-alle ... yrics.html

God do I miss Dr. Demento!

careful with that link,i got a spyware/malice warning

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Lori Koonce
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Postby Lori Koonce » Sat Nov 22, 2008 4:50 pm

cynic wrote:
Lori Koonce wrote:This isn't a children's jingle by any stretch, but it's something I love to listen to as part of my holiday rituial.

http://www.lyricsdownload.com/paul-alle ... yrics.html

God do I miss Dr. Demento!

careful with that link,i got a spyware/malice warning


May explain why my laptop has been acting up lately!

Lori

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Steve Evil
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Postby Steve Evil » Sun Nov 23, 2008 4:59 pm

On the topic of holdiay favorates, the version of "Jingle Bells" favoured at my school concluded with:

"Joker Took Ballet"

Deck the Halls, went something like:

"Deck the halls with poison ivy,
Fa-la-la et al
"'tis the season to be naughty,
Fal la la la la etc"

A popular alternative with the older ones began:

"Deck the halls with Santas balls,"

Fer shame! And yet another started:

"Set the teacher's hair on fire,"

Assaulting the teacher was a popular theme. As in this time-honoured interpretation of "Joy to the World" (which long predates its appearence on the Simpsons...)

"Joy to the World!
The school burned down

And all the teachers died!

The janitor is gone
we flushed him down the john,

The principal is dead,
We shot him in the head. . ."

Finally, this version of "Row row your boat" started tradititionally with:

"Throw your teacher overboard,
Listen to her scream."

"Teacher could be substituted for "Sister" or the name of any particularly anoying female.

This is why I laugh anytime someone suggests old cartoons are too violent.

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Postby Gwyneth M905 » Sun Nov 23, 2008 7:32 pm

David Loftus wrote:"Shaving Cream" is sweet, and there are many more verses, but that was a "professional" recording


:shock: You're kidding me?! That's a "real" song! I'm hopping over to iTunes and checking it out.
(not that I doubt you, David, it's just that, well, that one's been part of the "Hush don't tell the teacher!" repertoire for so long that I'm gobsmacked!)

Does anyone remember this one?

OOOOH
Gramma's in the cellar
Lordy can't you smell'er
Makin' whisky on that dang ole dirty stove
[shout] (dirty stove!)
In her eye there is some matter
That keeps drippin' in the batter
While the [snort] [snort] [snort] runs down her nose
Down her nose!
Down her nose!
In her eye there is some matter
That keeps drippin' in the batter
While the [snort] [snort] [snort] runs down her nose

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David Loftus
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Postby David Loftus » Sun Nov 23, 2008 9:45 pm

Just Google "Shaving Cream lyrics" and you'll find lots of versions and verses. One of the first hits listed the following background:



There are more verses to this than you can imagine. In fact, there are an infinite number. People continue to make them up all the time. First are the words to the original recording. It was written by Ben Samberg (a/k/a Benny Bell) and sung by Phil Winston (a/k/a Paul Wynn). It originally came out in 1946, but finally hit the Billboard charts in 1975!

This original recording is available on many 45's, as well as the original Paul Wynn album of 78's called Cocktail Party Songs (wherein it's the B-side to "Automobile Song"), the LP/CD Dr. Demento Presents the Greatest Novelty Records of All Time, Vol. 1 - The 1940's (and before!), Rhino 820, 1985, and the CD/CS Dr. Demento's 25th Anniversary Collection, Rhino 72124, 1995. Dr. Demento sings it on Dr. Demento's Dementia Royale, Rhino LP/CS 10, 1980, and in a different recording on The Very Best Of Dr. Demento, Rhino CD 76704, 2001. He also sings it periodically on his radio show.
War is, at first, the hope that one will be better off; next, the expectation that the other fellow will be worse off; then, the satisfaction that he isn't any better off; and, finally, the surprise at everyone's being worse off. - Karl Kraus


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