how do I make this eulogy better when I hurt this much?

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how do I make this eulogy better when I hurt this much?

Postby swp » Wed Jun 06, 2007 8:33 pm

Death is nothing at all
I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other
That we are still
Call me by my old familiar name
Speak to me in the easy way you always used
Put no difference into your tone
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed
At the little jokes we always enjoyed together
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was
Let it be spoken without effort
Without the ghost of a shadow in it
Life means all that it ever meant
It is the same as it ever was
There is absolute unbroken continuity
What is death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind
Because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you for an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner
All is well.
-- I heard that somewhere, once.

All is well. It is really, isn't it?

I know in my heart that Joe is not gone. He is just out of our site. In fact I am sure that the shy caring man we knew as a son, friend and so much more would be more than a little puzzled over all this.

He would insist on our being joyful in the celebration of his life with us and would insist on hoisting a few in his name. Telling tales of Paris and big lies about the Phillies and of our singing, dancing and laughing in celebration of the wonderfully full and meaningful life he led.

When pondering what to say here, it came to me that Joe wouldn't want the usual litany of his life - the where, when and hows - of a man who lived life head on, on his own terms, with dignity and the utmost concern for the welfare of others. No mere problem solver he!

Joe at this time is more concerned with our spiritual well being and grieving then his own temporal passing. He would want to console us and help us break out of the grief.

He would say...
All is well, don't grieve. No tears my friends. I cherish you and for all the years we shared together nothing is held more dear to me.

I have not gone unless you will me so. I am as close to you as your breath and dreams. The same bright eyed Vineland boy who grew into a gangly teen working summers in the pinelands. I am with you as we were adults and will always be.

To my friends, thank you for being my friends. For all the times we laughed, cried or railed against the tide of times together, or cursed the fates for the seemingly impossible tasks we all knew would be solved by the weekend.

The seasons will be my canvas on which to paint my friendship with you. In spring our friendship will show each new bloom, in summer rain drops drumming or thunderstorms crazing will be me leading heavens band in announcing our friendship. In the fall I will paint a picture of our friendship on each tree in gold and red and when the cold of winter comes I will sit ever closer and warm you with my breath and eternal fire of my friendship.

I have only gone into another room and I am waiting there for you.

To All, I ask that you grieve no more. No tears or regrets when you leave here.

What more could I possibly say than Joe's own words. I will forever be the richer better person for knowing him and he will forever be a part of my life.

In closing..

Joe and I shared a common bond, a friendship that went beyond being colleagues. We greeted each other with a joke and a smile. "Hello," as uncle Leo from Seinfeld would say. But now it is time, one last time, to finally say



Joe Mayrwalter died at age 52 from lung cancer on June 4th. They first discovered the cancer on May 26th. I found out about his death within minutes of finding out that another dear friend just had his first child the same day. Emotional rollercoaster doesn't begin to describe it.

So the question to the group is: how do I write it more better when it hurts so damn much.


p.s. sorry for venting it here. feel free to ignore.

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Chuck Messer
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Postby Chuck Messer » Wed Jun 06, 2007 9:19 pm

What you wrote came from the heart. That is what a real eulogy is supposed to do, come from the heart.

What's there to change? Give it as is. If it ain't perfect, the place it came from is as close to perfect as we human slobs can make it.

I hope you ride out your roller coaster and find peace.

Some people are wedded to their ideology the way nuns are wed to God.

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Postby swp » Fri Jun 08, 2007 1:36 pm

Thanks man.

The funeral was yesterday at 1pm. Reading it was tough, even after spending 90 minutes simultaneously trying to memorize it and driving to the cemetary in south jersey from out here in deepest darkest new jersey.

Having been told ad nauseum that the key to good writing is to write what I know and from the heart with passion, I still cannot fathom how something that hurts this much is supposed to elicit the muse in me.

Suggestions for improvement, post funeral not withstanding, are still greatfully accepted and appreciated.


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hey there

Postby iPodito » Thu Dec 20, 2007 2:37 am

hey there swp. i just joined this group or i would have posted sooner. my condolences. i know the holiday season can amplify feelings of loss and grief and i wish you only the best.

i agree with the previous poster. your eulogy is nothing less than perfect in a less than perfect world.

i lost my father to lung cancer as well. if you are inclined to know more about him, here is his eulogy:

a friend, trying to be helpful about the eulogy, said i didn't go deep enough. he wanted to know how i felt. he urged me to express more feeling. i was unable to give voice to the anger and feelings of abandonment deep inside of me, so i kept it light. eulogies and funerals are for the people who live on. i hope you did what it took to make it work for you.


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