THE SONGS WITHOUT SUBSTANCE COMPENDIUM by Rick Wyatt First Edition- May, 1992 (is that pretentious enough for you?) Note: The unauthorized copying or distributing of this material in any way, shape, or form is absolutely, positively, unequivocally not illegal or even discouraged. However, selling this material is strictly prohibited and not to be allowed under any circumstance unless you really need the money. CTHULHU SLEEPS TONIGHT (to the tune of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight) Dee-eee-eee-eee-eee, Dee-eee-eee-eee, Dee-om-bum-balay Dee-eee-eee-eee-eee, Dee-eee-eee-eee, Dee-om-bum-balay Down in Ryleh, the Sunken City, Cthulhu sleeps tonight, Down in Ryleh, the Sunken City, Cthulhu sleeps tonight. (background singers:) Here come Byakhee come Byakhee come Byakhee come Byakhee come Byakhee come Byakhee come Byakhee come Byak- (Repeat) (Chorus:) Weeeeeee-eee-eee-eee-eee all run away! Weeeeeee-eee-eee-eee-eee all run away! (Other verses:) 'neath the island, the desert island, Cthulhu sleeps tonight, 'neath the peaceful uncharted island, Cthulhu sleeps tonight. (Chorus) Hush my darling, don't cry my darling, Cthulhu sleeps tonight, Hush my darling, be still my darling, Cthulhu sleeps tonight. (Chorus) If he meets us, he's sure to eat us, Cthulhu sleeps tonight, If he meets us, he's sure to eat us, Cthulhu sleeps tonight. (Chorus) He's left the tomb now, I think we're doomed now, Cthulhu sleeps tonight, He's left the tomb now, I think we're doomed now, Cthulu sleeps tonight. (Chorus) Get a grip now, head for the ship now, Cthulhu sleeps tonight, Please don't trip now, head for the ship now, Cthulhu sleeps tonight. (Chorus) Don't say Hastur, and please run faster, Cthulhu sleeps tonight, Don't say Hastur, and please run faster, Cthulhu sleeps tonight. (Chorus) Cthulhu has fed, and now we're all dead, Cthulhu sleeps tonight, Cthulhu has fed, and now we're all dead, Cthulhu sleeps tonight. (Chorus) Sing Tekeli-li, Sing Tekeli-li, Cthulhu sleeps tonight, Sing Tekeli-li, Sing Tekeli-li, Cthulhu sleeps tonight. (Chorus) THE UNDEAD SONG COLLECTION THE NECROMANCER (to the tune of "The Wanderer") Well, I'm the type of guy who likes to raise some hell, Some people they hate corpses, I think they're pretty swell, I spend most of my time making zombies, ghasts, and ghouls, Some people think they're scary, I think they're pretty cool. Chorus: 'cause I'm the Necromancer, they call me the Necromancer, I'm underground, ground, ground, ground, ground, Deep underground! Well I've got devils on my left, and demons on my right, And Hades is the god, yeah, that I'll worship tonight, And when they ask me which one I love the best, I tear open my robe and there's "Cthulhu" on my chest, (chorus) Well I stalk from town to town, I go and find people who have died, And I dig them up out of the ground, So if you see someone you thought was dead, you'd better run and hide! (repeat first verse, then chorus until you get sick of it) THAT OLD TIME BLACK NECRO (to the tune of "Old Time Rock 'n Roll") Dumdumdumdumdumdumdumdum! Dumdumdumdumdumdumdumdum! Just take those old grimoires from the shelf, I'll sit and read them all by myself, Today's magic ain't got the same soul, I like that old time Black Necro! Don't try to take me to a coven, Or to some hag who cooks up kids in an oven, The modern witch ain't worth a dime a throw, I like that old time Black Necro! Chorus:* Still like that old time Black Necro! That evil magic just damns my soul, I reminisce about the rites of old, and that old time Black Necro! Don't need no pointy-hatted wizard, Who uses parts of bats and rats and lizards, There's only one sure way to get control, Start castin' old time black Necro! (Chorus)* Summon some demons from the dark Abyss, Torment and beat them, get them really pissed, Then turn them loose down at the Old Folks' Home, Now that's some old time Black Necro! (Chorus) Or get some Zombies and some Ghasts and Ghouls, And send them over to your local school, Then kick your heels back and enjoy the show, You're talkin' old time Black Necro! (Chorus)* I don't care what you goody-goodies say, I'd rather burn out than just fade away, I'm going straight to hell, ain't passin' Go, I like that old time Black Necro! (Chorus) Call me demonic, call me what you will, Say I'm possessed or that I'm just plain evil, Burn my books, break my wand and sell my soul, Still love that old time Black Necro! (Chorus repeated until fade-out)* To make the song shorter, only the choruses marked with a * may be sung. HEY, HEY, WE'RE THE ZOMBIES Here we come, shuffling down the street, We get the scariest looks from everyone we meet, Hey Hey we're the Zombies, And people say we smell like the grave, But we're too busy killing, To put on some aftershave! Yeah, you can't even shoot us, Don't care about no bullet holes, 'cause we do regeneration, That is, until we decompose. Hey Hey we're the Zombies, you never know where we'll be found, We might be coming next Sunday, To kill everybody in your town! JUMPING JACK FLASH (He's a Ghast!) He was born... on the night of Halloween, He got sick... and he died when he was just a teen, but he's alright now, in fact he's a ghast! but he's alright, Jumpin' Jack Flash, He's a ghast ghast ghast! Now he lives.... in a big old dark scary tomb, And he on....ly comes out by the light of the moon, He digs up.... people's parts and he gobbles them raw, He's the ugliest, nastiest, smelliest thing you ever saw, but he's al...right now, in fact he's a ghast! but he's al...right, Jumpin' Jack Flash He's a ghast ghast ghast! Jumpin' Jack Flash, he's a ghast, Jumpin' Jack Flash, he's a ghast, [etc.] MY GHOUL I hate sunshine, and I love cloudy days, When it's dark outside, I go munch on some graves, Well I'd guess you'd say, What could make me act this way, My ghoul, my ghoul, my ghoul, talking 'bout my ghoul - my ghoul! Oooh-hooooo! De-cay cay cay! Graves graves graves! Oooooh-hoooo, yeah! I don't need no pizza, veggies, or meat, I've got all the bodies baby, one man could eat, Well I'd say you'd guess, what could make me feast on flesh, My ghoul, my ghoul, my ghoul, talking 'bout my ghoul, my ghoul! I've got corpses on a cloudy day with my ghoul, I've even got pet maggots, hey, with my ghoul, Talkin bout, talkin bout my ghoul! GOOD BLOOD (by Dracula) (to the Tune of "Good Lovin'") (words in parentheses are the chorus repetitions) Von, two, free! Good Blood, Good Blood, Good Blood! I was feelin', so dry, I asked my servant Renfield the reason why, I said Renfield (Renfield!), Mr. Creepy (Renfield!), Can you tell me, why I'm thirsty? He said "Yes, Yes, Yes, Master!" ("Yes, Yes, Yes, Master!") "Indeed, all you really need," "Is Good Blood!" Now give me that good, good, blood, (Good Blood!) All I vant is blood, (Good Blood!) Good blood my darling, Good Blood! Honey please, no sunlight, (no sunlight!) Don't you know I'm a creature of the night, (of the night!) I said baby (baby!), you sure look ripe, (sure look ripe!) I've got a feeling you're just my type. (just my type!) Everybody, Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah. (Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah!) What the heck, I just vant to neck, Good Blood! Ba-Hahahahaha-Haaaaa! (lengthy synthesizer solo - optional) Good Blood! All I vant is blood, (Good Blood!) I vant to suck your blood, (Good Blood!) Blood early in the evening, (Good Blood!) Blood late at night now, (Good Blood!) Blood, blood, blood blood blood blood blood! THE STORY OF THE STAR TREK TV SHOW A LA GILLIGAN'S ISLAND (with apologies) Opening Song: Just sit right back and you'll watch a show, A show of a fateful trip, That started from this big starport Aboard this big starship. The mate was a mighty Vulcan man, The captain brave and sure, The Enterprise set sail that day, On a five year mission, A five year mission! The voyage started getting rough, They didn't have much fun, If not for the courage of the fearless crew, The Klingons would have won, The Klingons would have won! They fought everyone in the galaxy, but somehow they survived, With Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock too, The Engineer, and Sulu, Uhuuuuura, Chekov and Dr. Mccoy, Here on the Enterprise! Closing Song: Now after a while the show was canned, It really was a crime, But they'll showing the reruns Until the end of time! The first mate and the captain too, Will do their very best, To keep on making Trek movies Until they're put to rest! No homes! No life! No new ideas, Not a single day shore leave, Like Robinson Crusoe, It's pretty hard to believe. So join them at the cinema, You're sure to get a rise, From seven aging crewmembers, Here on the Enterprise! THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS, CON VERSION On the first day of Christmas my bookstore sold to me, A new book by L. Ron Hubbard? (said in a disbelieving voice) On the second day of Christmas my bookstore sold to me, Two Comic Books, And a new book by L. Ron Hubbard? (Hasn't he, ummmmmm, passed on?) (etcetera) Complete Verse Listing with optional parts (Everyone always sings on the fifth and first day) Twelve Cyberpunkers (Computer owners) Eleven Cthulhus Cthulhuing (gibber if you like Cthulhu!) Ten Lords a-Vorring (Anyone under 5'7") Nine Unicorns Prancing (Fantasy Fans) Eight Conan Ripoffs (Men) Seven Star Trek Novels (Anyone who would like to strangle Wesley) Six Story Collections (Women) Piers Anthony! (Everyone - call 1-800-HI-PIERS!) Four Gaming Supplements (Role-Playing Gamers) Three Fanzines (People who read fanzines) Two Comic Books (Comic book buyers/collectors) And new book by L. Ron Hubbard? (He sure is productive for a corpse!)