Greetings, Citizen! While I dearly wish I could quit my job to answer e-mails about Harlan Ellison and work on his webpage 18 hours a day, stopping only to sleep or to have my live-in nurse give me a sponge bath or change the bedpan, I have found such a practice to be impractical. Therefore I have to resort to some time-saving measures. To wit: It turns out that your message, however well-written and laced with creativity and individuality, is unfortunately similar enough to others I have received to be answered with the Webderland Questions Mini-Faq. ---------------------------------------------------------- W E B D E R L A N D ---------------------------------------------------------- Frequently Asked Questions 29 December 1997 --- Introduction ----------------------------------------- Since I'm writing this to save myself time, it seems pointless to then turn around and waste a lot of said time on an introduction. --- Questions -------------------------------------------- (1) Stuff you should have already found on the web page (1.1) How do I contact Harlan? (1.2) How do I order books? (1.3) When is Harlan making appearances in [insert area]? (1.4) Where is that OTHER FAQ that answers Ellison questions? (2) Stuff you wish I would tell you, but I won't (2.1) What's Harlan's real address? (2.2) Then how can I contact him or his agent? (2.3) But my message is important - can you forward it to him? (2.4) What did Harlan think about [insert media item]? (2.5) Can I have a copy of the "Manifesto" for Babylon 5? (3) Stuff about the Web page itself (3.1) Does Harlan know you have a web page on him? (3.2) Is he mad? (3.3) How did you get to do the Harlan Ellison web page? (4) Other Frequently Asked Questions (4.1) Where do I get the "I Have No Mouth" CD-ROM game? (4.2) Is Harlan writing his autobiography soon? ---------------------------------------------------------- (1) Stuff you should have already found on the web page (pages you should have read are off the Webderland root directory) (1.1) How do I contact Harlan? Mail the HERC. The HERC, or Harlan Ellison Recording Collection, is how Harlan sells his spoken-word recordings and out-of-print (remaindered) books. I can't make any promises, but mail sent to HE via the HERC will usually find its way to him. The address is: Harlan Ellison c/o The Harlan Ellison Recording Collection P.O. Box 55548 Sherman Oaks, CA 91413-0548 Be sure and include a self-addressed, stamped envelope, and be aware that any stories/poems/novels will most likely be returned to sender unread. Be patient as well! (Page you should have read: contact.htm) (1.2) How do I order books? Mail the HERC at the address shown in 1.1, or view my store page and print out the order form there. (Page you should have read: elliordr.htm) (1.3) When is Harlan making appearances in [insert area]? Any time Harlan or Susan sends me information about appearances, I promply slap them up on the news page. Trust me, unless it's a super secret squirrel visit it goes up there when I hear about it. While I'd love to corral HE each week and get his travel schedule for the forseeable future, I'd prefer the relationship I have with him now to the one that would result from such a practice. (Page you should have read: ellinews.htm or elliapps.htm) (1.4) Where is that OTHER FAQ that answers Ellison questions? You're thinking of the alt.fan.harlan-ellison faq. I've included it at the end of this FAQ. (Page you should have read: ellilink.htm) ---------------------------------------------------------- (2) Stuff you wish I would tell you, but I won't (2.1) What's Harlan's real address? I can't give that out. It's not exactly a huge secret, but I find it's easier to keep mum than to give it out conditionally based on my opinion as to your mental stability or "worthiness". I don't think I'm special or cool because I know it and you don't, it's just the way things turned out and believe me there are days I wish the opposite were the case. (2.2) Then how can I contact him or his agent? If you can't write the HERC (see 1.1), you just ran out of options for contacting Ellison as far as I or Webderland are concerned. His agent's address, though, is: Martin Shapiro Shapiro, Litchman, Stein LA, California 310-859-8877 tel 310-859-7153 fax (2.3) But my message is important - can you forward it to him? Not if you're reading this - if you got the "FAQ Reply" it means I passed on it. This doesn't mean your message wasn't applicable, it's just my definition of "important" is based on what I think HARLAN will think is important, not what you do. That means if you've got a paying gig to offer or you've convinced me you are a personal friend with a genuine and urgent need then I'm happy to spend my time hooking you two up. I probably *don't* consider your term paper, survey, short story, or gift request to be as vital to the continued existence of mankind as you do. Sorry. (2.4) What did Harlan think about [insert media item]? He probably agreed wholeheartedly with any sentiments you might have come up with already. Either that, or he thinks your views on [media item] show you to be a total putz who should be breathing more shallowly so as to save oxygen for those of us whose brains actually need the stuff. For those of you who didn't get it yet and are still reading, let me spell it out more plainly. I understand. Sometimes I'll see a new movie or TV show or read a book and wonder "Gee, Harlan has a lot of opinions. I wonder what he'd think about this?". But you know what? I realize he's got better things to do with his time, so I don't call him up and ask him....and if I don't get to, neither do you. Nyah. (2.5) Can I have a copy of the "Manifesto" for Babylon 5? I don't have this manifesto, and Harlan has never offered it to me for publication or dissemination of any type. The same applies to any OTHER "manifesto" you may have heard of. ---------------------------------------------------------- (3) Stuff about the Web page itself (3.1) Does Harlan know you have a web page on him? Yes. (3.2) Is he mad? No. (3.3) How did you get to do the Harlan Ellison web page? I was the first person with cojones big enough and higher brain functions weak enough to contact the man about getting his permission, and over time that permission became more and more official. I wish I had a better story, but that's about all there is to say about it. ---------------------------------------------------------- (4) OTHER FAQs (4.1) Where do I get the "I Have No Mouth" CD-ROM game? It's no longer available through most online stores, such as www.cdromshop.com. But you can order it directly from the HERC by going to the elliordr.htm page. (4.2) Is Harlan writing his autobiography soon? Harlan's stated plans are to start his autobiography in 2001, the TRUE start of the new millenium. It is to be entitled WORKING WITHOUT A NET. However, as usual, he's not making any promises - he'll do so if it pleases him. I've spoken to him about the work and he seems mystified as to what anyone would gain from reading about his life as opposed to reading his stories. --- Credits ------------------------------------------- I wrote this stupid thing myself. Go figure. ------------------------------------------------------- Copyright (C) 1997 Rick Wyatt -------------------------------------------------------